All you need to know is that I went into Asda in Lincoln the other day to get reinforcement supplies of venison burgers after thinking about their succulent texture and glowing aftertaste for a whole week, only to find that some street urchin had swiped the lot just moments before.

I write this in a dark room waiting for the call from the general manager to inform me that they have had more burgers in.

Then, and only then will I emerge.

Something has been bothering me for a while.

It was good to see the Arctic Monkey's adopting the country casual look at the Brit Awards recently, and being quite the dandy of the office, I want to make sure I'm as sharp on the peg as I am off it. The question is, what are the ultimate fashion faux pas?

Would it be out of the question to wear a deer stalker when beating?

Should you ever wear black on the peg?

What colours are too loud?

Is comfort better than functionality?

Should you avoid too much jewellery or accessories? (We're not shooting a rap video after all.)

How can a 27-year-old avoid looking like deputy head master?

Are designer labels like Hackett going to do the job the same way that Barbour does?

In the end, does it really matter?

Should I just ask GQ?

I read this week that ex-Blur bass player Alex James made some positive comments about game shooting.

Said James: "There's something wonderfully holistic about bagging dinner with your shotgun: the 'pack your own' approach. Who better to pull the trigger than the consumer?"

James, one of my boyhood idols, moved from the big city to the country to get away from the hurley-burley of modern urban living but has actually embraced the rural lifestyle. He has been making cheese rather than music since he arrived on his 200 acre farm, and not only looks the part, but also has a appreciation of the fact that there isn't a Gucci concession on every corner and realises the nearest Starbucks is probably 50 miles away. Liz Jones take note.

Another reason I was pleased to see James saying positive things about shooting is that he is someone a lot of people of my generation will recognise and in turn come to realise that shooting isn't just for the gentry.

One thing I can't agree with Mr James on however, is his assumption that he and the rest of the Britpop crowd had a positive effect on the national game. In his recent Observer column, James said:

" We (the British Art brigade)- went on to instigate a cultural revolution that reverberated throughout the worlds of art, music, rocket science and politics, filling the football terraces with song and the larger houses of the Hamptons and the world's great museums with contemporary art."

Sorry AJ, but the terraces have been replaced by a sea of seats and Three Lions is still the most nautious 'footie' chant I have ever heard. Don't get me started about what's wrong with the modern game, we would be here all day.