Game shoots: Following a recent undercover investigation by an unnamed think-tank working on behalf of an unnamed government department, which discovered most game shoots were only using their land for shooting between September 1 and February 1, shooting must act now to head off the inevitable and as yet unidentified public backlash. Shooting's law makers have therefore unanimously decided by secret ballot that game shoots must make the most of their acreages by opening their doors to the general public; 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. A number of tax breaks will be offered to game shoots provided the keepering staff can host the following events; floodlit clay shooting competitions; illegal raves on the rearing fields, short-range surface-to-surface missile tests (two neighbouring game shoots required); stock car races and birthday parties for the under 8s (release pens essential).

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